And I just recently woke up. I have a feeling that today is going to be a really good day. Don't ask me why I think this, but I'm almost positive of it. Logically I shouldn't be so sure of this because my body is in pain (due to my knee being all screwed over) and I don't really have anything exciting to look forward too...but I just woke up really happy. That in and of itself is exciting because I've been struggling to do that for quite a while now. I had good dreams...and having good dreams mean I've been in a good state of mind.
I went to reno yesterday/today. It was really fun. I got to gamble in a bigger casino...though I still prefer Tahoe. I made 40 bucks though so can't complain. But in all reality it wasn't just the casinos I enjoyed, I loved the drive and chilling with Christian, talking to other people, meeting the random people, walking around, being thrown into my childhood yet again. I found myself in such a state of deja vu that I could have sworn I had been in Circus Circus before for a karate tournment when I was like 8.
This last year has been SUCH a crazy year. I've grown up SO much and matured and changed that I'm basically a brand new person. I've gone off and lived bymself and made a whole new slew of friends. I've become less and less shy, slowly shapping myself into who I have always seen myself becoming. Learning more and more about mathematics and science and realizing I really don't know much at all. The saying the more you know, the less smart you think you are is proving to be very true in my life.
I'm kinda scared, but I'm really excited for the next 10 months. I have 10 months and I'll have my BS in Mathematics. Then what...?! Do I come back to tahoe and get stuck here or do I go somewhere...? That's something I'm really going to have to start thinking about soon, because I need to start making plans. At least focusing on something if I can't set something in stone.
As for my personal life, it's going well. It's not fantastic, but it's going. I miss Jakob, Joseph, and Dolan alot. I'm looking forward to seeing Spencer and Katy again too. But I have no love intrest and this scares me. I tend to fall for people FAR to easy and FAR to hard. So it's going to be interesting this year up at Humboldt. But I'm glad that I'm over Jade and Krista. It's taken me long enough for both of them. Jade I dated for 2 years and Krista i've liked on and off for 3 years.
So the future is coming, and I'm excited/scared. But really, what's the point of all this? I've been thinking alot about that lately. Everyone lives and eats and trys to be happy, but what is the point? Even if you're 'successfull' whats the point? You either become a legend or you're forgotten. So why can't I just go to heaven now? I'm not suicidal, far from it, I just want to do something worth while with my time. I HATE being un productive. That's my main concern in life...what's considered productive in the long run?
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